2009 and slowly on though naturally some immediate pain.

Forward shall I struggle with god beside me and I shall over come all!

What is life that doth deals a tender stroke with one hand and pain with the other? I is just life and we should be grateful for it!

And so I face this year empowered through enterprise with the local Council and Arms Length Management Organisation, this is a good thing, finally I am finding my true self and abilities.

And just last year I passed the first part of my B.S.L. another feather in the cap. This year sees me forging forward with the Teacher training and continuing the B.S.L. plus the German at college, coupled with three courses about to start from the O.U. Education then will be in large heaps until I am buried amongst it!

But for so much progress forward I am shunted back in a horrible way, my estranged Grandfather (Fathers side) is now departed from this world, to which I feel saddened, even though because of estrangement I mourned him years ago. A tragic loss to have missed out on the great opportunity for me to have a Grandfather and as important for him to have Me as a grandson! I blow my own trumpet not when I say as a person the single thing I have discovered is I am not a horrible Human being, thus makes sense to say he did indeed miss out far too much, solely because of other selfish people.

Still long in trousers am I and long in tooth I am getting, as such I stay pragmatic in so far as I cannot now change a thing, missed opportunities are just that, gone forever, however they serve to remind us to maybe grab the next one and hold tightly to it.

A memory for my Grandfather, alongside my Dad, my Granddad and Nan, with my dearest cousin naturally in with them all, to that I shall add My Queen,My Candy and My Prince, My Sweep for whom the memory of loss still pains like a molten dagger through my heart. No death forgotten, though should I so young have had to face such numbers of nearest death I question!

Again pragmatic Me I shall not mourn, but strive to celebrate them all and prove post life than I can make it against all the odds and change this world even a small bit for the better.

Onwards, and once again Upwards...........and the world should indeed fear the angry Conservative man with a plan

ILLNESS and Christmas and Death

Got Life on Mars on DVD, and honestly made me think back to my Dad, my Granddad and life before their deaths.
The 70's were a great time, and I was happy to have grown up then with some brilliant people around me.

Well what an interesting week this has been, I love Christmas time, the festivity, the dinner, the just sitting down and watching 'comfortably' television schedules that remind me of good times past.

This year however I spent the Christmas week including the big day ill, in fact so ill I was laid up throughout most of it, and when up, stuck within range of toilets and glasses of water.

My one single Venture out broke my golden rule about Christmas, in which I flatly refuse to leave my house for anybody, however this anybody was my mother in laws best friend, and she was dying of cancer and in her last moments,

there was no question I would thus take my in laws to see her, despite all that was wrong with me, I was not as bad as this honorable lady facing death on the day of the birth of our lord.

So pssssst want to know what Christmas really is? Want to genuinely see what it was actually all about? Well I sat in a very nice house, surrounded by very very nice things, there was money and goods and attainment here....and in the next room there was a lady dying, surrounded by the most important thing ever...Family and Friends,

no gifts did she need, nor did or would she have cared if her house and all material things had gone, what mattered was the living breathing people around her

and when she was called away today the 28th December 2007 at 1 o clock to the big guy in the sky, I would wager my soul she took nothing with her but the memories and love of those same people, the house and all its goods are still there, I know I have seen them today.

Lesson for life then, our material attainments make us cosy, but in the end only one thing brings us true comfort and it comes from those we love and care for in life

The true meaning of Christmas. The meaning so many forget and other religions threaten!

As to my illness, well a week of my life passed by because of an illness, but with any luck I have many more weeks to do whatever I can in my life, I cannot grumble, because it serves no purpose

I can just however be thankful and honest to God I am.

It all begins again next week, the study, the forwarding of myself in this material world. Updates as and when..............Onwards and upwards.....etc

Apprehension at the thought of the drop

Arts a bitch, but anybody can do it, welcome the Iconic Che GueMicky (No revolution needed)

Tomorrow brings forth the sponsored Abseil and am I apprehensive?


Apprehension?! No I do not think so it is a word I cannot comprehend (flicks through dictionary..........nope still cannot grasp it..;-D) , I hope I can step up and be what I am, a man

BUT MORE I hope this is another step in redefining or finding my true self

this last year through the eduction I have found weaknesses and strengths in my being, but I looked harder and found that over burdened scared and oft at times weak 14 year old (yes it is time to deal with it), yes the potential was always there.............but oh how pitifully it was left untapped or pushed forward

and now 37 years old my mind barely retains my days exploits, but I am still trying and it seems succeeding in many area's

Tomorrow will be the first of many tests of character that are long overdue, my 'coming of age' was spent dealing with and then hiding from death

I have not beaten Death into submission, but I aim to again face him head on and perhaps (quote Blackadder) tweak his nose

Seriously I have learned that death is easy, everybody will do it and it takes very little to achieve

Now LIVING, thats the challenge, and yes I have lived, but now I will live twice as hard because I have to and can and to feel alive occasionally you must do the silly and maybe dangerous to stare death in the eye's

Then and only then is life the most precious thing we have

Onwards and upwards (well downwards Tomorrow)

till next time